More Church Bulletin Bloopers
Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord.
The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.
The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.
The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.
Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Visitors, please feel free to stay after service and say hell to the pastor.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in a parish bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Joe's sermons.
During the absence of our Priest, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when Msgr. J.F. Stone supplied our pulpit.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Parish is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Deacon unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, “The Lord Knows Why”.
A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir.
Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett. Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding".
On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD - Dr. Hargreaves is better.
The 2007 Spring Parish Council Retreat will definitely be hell May 10 and 11.
Father is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday the Ladies' Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved... the financial secretary gave a grief report.
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.
We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let's sing "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."
Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.
Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.
Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway saves you more!
Said during a congregational prayer when leading prayer for unsaved loved ones: “Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones”.
Due to weather conditions, there will not be any “Women Worth Watching” this week.
“I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live.”
On a church postcard: “I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I would like a personal call”.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
~from an email
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Tue May 24, 2011 6:52 pm by malachi13
Subject: Church Bulletin Bloopers 
